When I lost my consulting contract in 2009, I thought I was doomed for good. I was pretty depressed then. The loneliness was pretty awful.
Little that I know, 9 years later I am living a dream life. The life of a Hedonist Hermit. My quality of life had improved tremendously every year since 2014.
The Bipolar is manageable now. I am still a nutcase but at least I am not depressed. Uuugrh... I hate depression.
I must say my effort to quit smoking is working. Now is to refrain from smoking dope and licking cunts.
If I can do it for a year, I will be home free. 2019 is the no man's land.
Sigh... I am still looking for love at the wrong places. Els still got hangups. Sarah is an elusive being. And yet here I am with heart as big as a hot air balloon looking for the right person to share it with.
Why don't Sarah write to me? Why does she prefer encryption? Maybe she is like Brenda, another illusion. I hope not. I am very much in love with her as much as I love Lizzie and Els.
I believe in Sarah. She may have some issues but I think she can relate to me. We have too many memories together.
As part of my recovery plan in 2019, I will be less dependent on others for my well being. I will be my own best friend.
Women... Aaah... You can't live with them, you can't live without them. Such a delicate creature. Pretty much a fascinating object and yet such an enigma.
Sarah my love, this song means Don't Let It Not Happen:
Jangan Tak Jadi
What will I do with you Sarah? Such a bright girl, such a joy...
Jangan Tunggu Lama-Lama & Zakiah
These songs brings back fond memories when I was in school. No girlfriends no women problem.
If I take women out of my life equation, I don't have any problem.
As advised by my good friend Yati, don't waste time. There is no solution to this problem.
I might as well focus on 2020 Marathon Training.
So I am set. I decided to love myself more than anything else. Which means I am here to delight the Universe Within.
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