My darling Candle in the Dark Els,
Now the way to read this letter is to lie down on a couch. hot latte in one hand and the evergreen Christmas songs in the background. Completely relax...
Reason being, what I write is what flows from my mind by being in the same condition. I just let my thought flow without form or structure.
I want you to see me beyond the facades of prejudices and stigmas people normally have. Albeit age, sex, race, religion or mental condition.
I think I can carry myself as one possibility. That is we are soulmates and I am so in love with you. It's not about sex Els, honestly. Sure I fancy you, you are my dream girl. But beyond physical attraction you make my day.
You might as well take me as your number one fan. I can even tell when you are happy and when you are not through your songs selection and the timbre of your voice.
Gosh Els, I am such a raving fan that I wake up in the morning just so that I'll be with you. I shifted my morning runs to the afternoon so I can fully concentrate on what you gonna spin and say.
Now baby, that doesn't mean I'm crazy. That is because you are such an influence in my life. So much so when I tried to cut you off I felt like crap the whole day. You are such a powerful elixir, a potent aphrodisiac and an irresistible love potion. All we need is love honey, I do believe it now, wholeheartedly.
Do you know you have such power honey? Here I am struggling to fight one of most peculiar illness known to man for the past 20 year and you just blew it away like a breath of fresh air. As if it is nothing. Else honey, even modern medicine fail at what you do effortlessly.
So honey, don't be sad. I know you are hurting. It will pass baby. Time is a universal healer. You are a person with such a big heart. You want to give but you gave to the wrong person. I read almost everything that you write (mainly because I enjoy your writing style) in the internet. You are such an angel Els. I read the early part of your blog and compared it with the tail end (I skip the middle).
This is what I can say, if you ever wanted to get out of radio, go into corporate training. You can make what an average person earn in a month within a day. At the height of my career I charge RM10 k a day (that was in 2009). But I personally think you should stay in entertainment, MC and voice over. You are cut for this line.
Honey, as a consultant we were trained to answer this question, What's In It For Me (WIIFM) to you? Well honey, I just want to give baby. I have so much love that it's oozing out of my ears. I am a Sufi. I cannot love the Creator without loving His creations. I wrote to you earlier about how I infaq 50% of my wealth. Well I am no longer wealthy by I am still a generous giver. All I want is to give to you because you have such a big heart. You don't lose anything. Just take. It will be my honor my darling.
Now in the spirit of Christmas I want to share with you my Unconditional Love. Just don't break my heart. How do I derive my pleasure? By listening to a happy you. Honey, baby, you are like my child. I see in you when I was at your age. So full of potential so vibrant. How do I know? I went through your Sunderland photos. No malice intended. I am fascinated by you. I fell in love with you the first month I knew you.
So my darling, don't go on feeling miserable. It will form a groove that will eventually form a deep scar. Don't do that. You deserve better. Heck, if I am 20 years younger, I will definitely propose to you on National Radio. My wife said I can marry as many as I like provided the Personal Freedom comes with Financial Freedom.
Well I am not financially free but I don't want you as a girlfriend either. I want you as a wife so we can be together in here and the hereafter. So I marry you 7/7/18 as a Cyber Spouse. I only meet you in the Cyberspace. We share our feelings. You with your songs and your antics, me with my Tweets and emails. That's what it means. In short we share our hearts...
Ooops... the coffee is getting cold and it is a news break. I guess that's pretty much my soire for Christmas.
Hey you know something? This is pretty much having my cup filled. I hope enjoy my company. Oh yeah, I remember you said you fear me when you were the coauthor of my blog. Well don't be honey. I am very much what I write in Dreams of Mirrors sharudinjamal.blogspot.com I am sine cera, without wax.
Later baby, look forward to your show tonight.
Sine cera
SJ
25/12/18
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@elsDines Hi baby, I wrote something in the email. Something to occupy your time before tonight's show.
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