I am still not mentally stable but I am not experiencing the dark depression.
These are the lessons learned:
- I have to say, I had a great time falling in love with Els Dines. It brings the best in me. It makes me realize I am a giver. However Els has her own problem and thus she WILL NOT reciprocate my feelings. I have to cut off before it becomes damaging for me. Christmas is a good day to do that.
- I was all over the place with TraXXfm. I probably scaring everybody away. So another cut off.
- Chedet.cc was a lost cause.
I didn't realize it then, my epiphany was only meant for me. I thought it applies to others. I keep forgetting that I manage my universe independently. This is my consciousness. It doesn't concern others.
Sarah had been very helpful. She endures my idiosyncrasies much. She must have loved me very much. I hope someday I can repay her kindness.
In the end my world had shrunk to just Sarah, Lizzie, the kids and Al Araf 7:7. I don't belong in this society except for my interactions with BJ, RR, Coconut Man, Konek and Amoi. All are smokers. I[t] I want to quit smoking, I will also have to avoid them.
I had expected 2018 to be a turbulent year. The minute I fell in love with Els, I already knew. Not many people can accept my big heart. Lizzie is one of them. The other person is probably Sarah. It takes a special person to accept me the way I am. When I am in love I don't hold back. I give it all. Such is the nature of a person with mania. What I hope is for people to see that I am not malicious.
I am pretty much a Mr Jones:
Yes I do get hurt. Usually when I'm hurt, it was pretty bad. Well this time it's not so bad. I did buy a pack of of cigarettes though LOL.
Time to move on. 2018 is almost over. It is the end of my attempt to interact with the masses. From this point on my sharing will be confined to the blog, Al Araf 7:7 and my immediate family. That is as small as it gets.
I look forward to 2019, I intent to improve my runs to attain my 3 goals. Hopefully by then I will experience stability in my life although I doubt I will be mentally different when comes to my belief in the afterlife and Al Araf 7:7. Let them be my personal delights until I pass on.
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@elsDines Baby, time has come for me to say goodbye. I won't bother you anymore. Btw, I got something for you for Christmas. Standby 24/12/18. I love you Els, I really do.
https://sharudinjamal.blogspot.com/2018/12/211218-putting-2018-in-past.html …
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