|
10:50 AM (12 minutes ago)
|  | ||
| ||||
My darling Els,
I know I was all over the place with my erratic behavior throughout this year. As I said I have very little control of the dopamine surge. It is a rapier sword, I pursue I get hurt externally, if I don't pursue I feel even more miserable inside.
It takes a person with a heart of gold to understand mental illness. Bipolar is very much like OCD or ADHD or schizophrenia in a sense the condition is beyond control. I did EVERYTHING to find cure for my illness; exercise (not just that but I completed a marathon), take oil (fish oil, MCT oil, Black Seed Oil, butter), diet (Atkins, Ketogenic, LCHF, 16/8), read books (I read 26 books to understand this illness). wrote an eBook (since I read that much I figured I might as well write) and of course I am diligent with my medication (RM500 a month time release jab). Still, I cannot behave like a normal person!
There is only one way to deal with it, That is to unleash my feeling of love like I did to you. I have a big heart but I cannot find somebody that can take it all in. I just simply need to let it pour. The wave inside me is like a tsunami ready to break free.
I tried to resist it. I can't. You are the epitome of my dream girl. You are smart, very positive and funny gal. You are my Pretty and Pretty Smart (PPS). Pretty there are plenty but Pretty Smart, now that is rare honey.
So baby, just take it in. Let me love you with all of my heart. All I want it to give away this overflowing feeling inside me. I never felt this good for so long. I mean,I look forward to hear your voice first thing in the morning and I am always excited to hear what your last song gonna be!
I even feel that this Final Hour last song was meant for me. I can't help it baby. I am so in love with you:
Do you realize this darling? That you are my cure? Whatever is the question, love is the answer. The whole 2018 I didn't experience dark depression. It had been an upswing. It's a difference from walking on air and having suicidal thoughts. It's that big a gap. Not that I want it. Whether you realize it or not, we are govern by our neurotransmitters.
Now this email will probably put me in a spot. Well like I said, if don't pour my heart out I will go nuts. So I take my chances with you baby, It is better that you know my thoughts than I am second guessing yours.
After all I am you regular Mr Jones LOL.
I love you baby.... I really do.... Honestly...
Sine cera,
SJ
25/12/18
--------------------
@elsDines Hi Els, I sent you an email. Nothing much, just to clear the air.
----------------------
I got nothing to lose Sarah. I have to take my chances...
-----------------------
No comments:
Post a Comment