My weakness is dealing with people while my strength is organizing my thoughts. Therefore I should avoid people and continue writing about my thoughts on daily basis.
The more I write the more proficient I am in battling my illness. Surely there is something good that come out of all these. For one thing I become a better writer. My vocabulary had increased too.
I should erase all forms of doubt and uncertainty about Sarah being an Unreal but Beautiful Princess. Even if she is, she is the only Cyber Friend that I got. So better add than subtract.
My main issue here is my judgement got effected. Can I do something about it? Yes I can. I make less judgment calls and rely more on pattern.
For example based on pattern, Els is not interested in me. Based on pattern too I am better off this year than last year. Pattern of success will continue to be a success and pattern of failure continues to be a failure.
The only time pattern doesn't apply is when you deal with irregularity. For now, that is very little. Most of my daily occurrences are pretty routine. Even the notion of the afterlife is a common and consistent pattern. So consistent it becomes a projection:
So in a way I am set for eternity. Surely my prayer to be the Creator's Most Loyal Soldier, my effort to infaq 50% of my wealth and battling Iblis for 15 years amounted to something? They were all so real to me. So why can't the manifestation of Sparta 4964 be real as well?
There is one condition though; if there is no God. Then, there will not be an afterlife and no eternal justice.
All these boils down to whether I am a believer or I am an atheist. Then again based on pattern, I say I am not a product of chance. I was chosen for this Path.
Even if it is a 50 - 50 chance, I still choose to be a believer. I had seen the evidences right in front of my very eyes. A believer adds, an atheist subtracts. I cannot help paying attention to the signs around me. Maybe I am experiencing patternicity but in my book, I have a high sensory acuity.
After all it's not what happens to me when I am dead that matters, it's the meaning the signs have on my life when I am alive.
For example as I write this, the song I saw the sign was on air:
I live in a magical world. I notice even the slightest abnormality. I make an excellent tracker in the jungle. At times I wonder whether it is a gift or a curse.
That doesn't mean I don't believe in coincidences. However I believe in what is useful although it is not necessarily true. It is useful for example to believe there are more dangers lurking in the dark than it is true.
There is no absolute truth except in mathematics. I may appreciate a Bass jumping out of the water but by the time I dissect its muscle to understand how it works, the Bass will already be dead.
And so I see the world from my heart. I use my instinct more than my thoughts. I become an observer to the events around me. I became a Wandering Sufi and a Zen Monk. All the time seeking for meaning rather than knowledge.
It's all about belief. We are what we believe. I believe my consciousness endures long after I am gone. Therefore my time now is worth for eternity. Instead of laying bricks I am building a cathedral. What I do today is for the preparation towards a glorious afterlife. Whether afterlife is true *o[f] not is subject to extensive debates. However believing in it surely shapes my present like never before imagined.
* External intervention.
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Note: I am tempted to post this a article in Dreams of Mirror but I hold back, The ability to hold back my thoughts is necessary. Nobody is interested to listen to a ramble, So keep it private.
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