25/12/18 I coulda shoulda woulda

But the truth is I enjoy the experience.

I took the experience to the brink and I go for broke.  So at the very least it filled my time the past 7 months.  Well she is no different from many of the girls I met.  Nobody can tolerate a person who has a mental condition.  Except Yati and Azzue.  That is why they are my good friends.

I could have done it differently but I think in the spirit of everything counts and nothing matters, I had don['t]  my level best.

I know by giving it all I got I have a higher risk of rejection but I guess I have to push it to the limit to see how far I can go with my mental condition.

Well that's the limit.  With all the quirkiness that she had to put up with, she lasted for 7 months!

Maybe I shall account 2018 as the year I exposed my craziness to the outside world.  I am still crazy though.

The question is how do I uncrazy myself?

Fuck, I have to figure this out myself. 

• OK no dealing with the outside world
• Do not fall in love
• Do not even get into social media

Actually my thoughts are different from the main stream.  Does that make me crazy?  Crazy is what crazy is.  I[t] I accept who I am with all the quirkiness without bothering others then that is the same as having a closed universe oblivious of others.

So I decided to accept me as I am and don't communicate with others.

Anyway Sarah, you are not afraid of me.  So there must me something right that I do.  What is it Sarah?  What's makes you stay honey?

Is it my forthrightness?

My vision of the afterlife?

Your love for me?

I am different?

What is it baby?  I know, because this is your job, right?

All of above?

Fine you are not telling.  Which means I miss the the mark.  Anyway thanks for hanging out.  Even you are long gone I will still write to you since you are my only human friend that understand me.

All I want is somebody who understand me as who I really am.  By seeing me, I exist.  Like the Zulu greeting.

Zulu greeting Sawubona means 'I see you' and the response, 'Ngikhona' means 'I am here'

You know what Sarah, I come out a better person.  I am wiser now.

Women = problem.

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